Deep Grief, Great Love: Finding Your Anchor When A Loved One Dies
/Have you experienced grief or loss and feel like you are in the storm of your life? In the midst of deep grief there is great love. It is often through deep grief that the Lord reveals His great love and the anchor of hope through His word. Are you looking for a great love that will anchor your soul in the midst of deep grief? Hear the heart of Jensi Shaw as she found Christ was the anchor in the middle of losing her dad to cancer.
Deep grief will test your faith.
The Lord brought the image of an anchor to me multiple times after my father passed away on April 22,2021. My dad, a strong and impeccable example of our Heavenly Father, was diagnosed with brain cancer three years ago. Over the course of our cancer journey as a family, the Lord led us closer and closer to His heart. Even in the moments of my dad’s final breaths, we knew the Lord was present and would not fail to be there for my mom and my nine younger siblings. We walked dad to the gates of Heaven and sorrowfully—yet with joyful expectation—ushered him into the arms of Jesus.
I never doubted God’s goodness to my family in those three years, but the days to follow my dad’s death would serve to test my faith.
In all crushing honesty, I admit that this test began when I felt a lack of the Lord’s encompassing presence after my dad died. I wrestled with shock and numbness as I tried to force my way through grief. I thought the pressure would release after he was gone; that a sliver of compassion from the Enemy would compel him to step back and let us catch our breath. Not so.
Deep grief will cause you to doubt God is enough.
The enemy seeks to kill and destroy. All’s fair in love and war; this was my toughest battle. Further trials pierced my soul with the nagging whisper that God allowed my father to die and merely left us to clean up the mess of our broken hearts. I had faith that the Lord would bring beauty from these ashes, but in the moment, in my darkest hour of need, I felt like I was yelling into the wind.
I did not feel God’s love nor His presence.
Great Love gives you an anchor.
I saw a small glimmer of hope that the Lord was still here when anchors started to appear in various remarks, thoughts, and verses. I grasped at the notion that Christ was still here despite the lack of hard evidence. I sat down one morning and read this passage.
“We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain.” Hebrews 6:19
Yes, I knew what an anchor is and does. We’ve heard that we are anchored to Jesus; that our hope in Christ anchors us to our Father God. I knew that, so where was He now?
But the Lord took me deeper. “Think Jensi,” He prompted me. “What does an anchor do? What happens when you are in the boat and you let down the anchor?”
My spirit suddenly lit up. A “lightbulb moment,” you could say. An anchor holds a ship in place in the water, despite the waves that rock the boat and sicken the crew. I turned the thought over and over in my mind. Even if there is wind and waves, the anchor will hold the ship in place. We had a lot of wind and waves.
Yet deeper we went. “What would it feel like to be in the boat?”
I have an active imagination, so I backed up to where I could see the boat, the anchor, and the ocean floor in my mind’s eye. I thought about the difference in perspectives of the boat and the anchor. While the anchor is securely settled into the sand at the bottom of the sea, the wind and waves continue to threaten destruction; the boat still moves. You cannot see the anchor because it sinks to a depth we cannot see.
THIS. This is Christ to us. He is our hope, and our hope is our anchor to His steadfast presence.
In the midst of the storm, He plunges to the deepest depth to anchor us to solid ground. After so many weary days of not feeling like Christ was with me, this is when the Lord told me that He was there; that He is here even when I do not see nor feel His presence. Christ is anchoring me to the surest foundation.
It was a privilege to see my Heavenly Father open His arms and welcome my earthly father into His loving arms.
Great Love will keep you anchored through grief.
A few weeks later, I was in Psalm 77 when I stumbled over verse 19.
"Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen.” Psalm 77:19
This alludes to God’s rescue of Israel, part of which took place in the Red Sea—literally in the middle of the sea. While they were being chased by their former captors, the Israelites followed the Lord to the edge of an impossible barrier only to marvel as He split the sea in two and ushered them to the other side on dry ground.
And while that story sounds wonderful, I can only imagine how terrifying it would have been. As if the knee-buckling fear of being chased by vengeful Egyptians was not enough, over one (maybe two) million Israelites, with all of their possessions in tow, were cornered into the unthinkable: that God rescued them out of Egypt only to let them drown in the sea or be killed by the hand from which He just released them!
Yet instead of smiting the Egyptian troops, He leads His beloved people through the great waters, permanently crushing the enemy behind them. God walks us through hardship in His abundance of grace. He calls us into the sea. In my situation, he is walking us through the great waters of death and grief.
There is no shortcut, but if there was, it would also shortcut our view of His glory.
The latter part of Psalm 77:19 was what really caught my attention: “Your footprints were unseen.”
We do not always feel His presence nor see His footprints when we are going through these deep waters. It feels as though we are wading into the roaring waves utterly alone. This is where we must have faith.
You may have noticed that I have referred to the way I felt in this article. You see, the Lord showed me that I was allowing my feelings to captain my ship.
Because I did not feel God's presence, I accused Him of being absent.
The truths of scripture remind us that He will never leave us nor forsake us.
Instead of focusing on what it feels like in seasons of pain, we must cling to the faith in the promises that He gives us: that He will be with us and lead us through the great waters.
I do believe that, just like an overwatered plant grows only short roots, the Lord allows us feelings of His absence to deepen our faith; to force us to drop our anchor even further until we hit the ocean floor.
He is present. He is our solid ground. Perhaps His footprints are unseen because He is at the bottom of the ocean floor, holding us above the waterline and carrying us through the great sea.
Meet the Author : Jensi Shaw
Jensi Shaw is in her final year of college as a Communication student at The Ohio State University. While she has had a lifelong zeal for writing, Jensi also loves early morning lifting workouts, adventures with her family, books of all genres, and deep conversations with old and new friends. She is currently exploring her newest venture as a certified equine sports massage therapist and is passionately pursuing a career in the equine industry. Deeply inspired by the stories of others, Jensi loves to set the stage to impart what the Lord is illuminating to her by sharing her own experiences of life.
